Last night I was in England with family and friends.
Walking on the quay, at some point I asked our tour guide “How far are we from London?”.
“463km”, he claimed. Again I asked “How long is England, anyway?”, to which he responded “463km”.
That amazed me, as we have obviously been on the “other side of England”.
Though, I started thinking since when is London on some edge from which one would count those kilometres, but didn’t feel like going in deeper on that.
Across the sea we saw Norway. It was so close that we jumped in and swam towards.
The side we swam to had no shore we could get out on, so we swam to the other side of the shore (’twas a gulf of some sort).
When we were close enough to the shore, I touched a giant cube of ice and was thrilled how I actually “touched Norway”. Btw, I don’t remember being cold at all and as we got nearer to the shore it was sunny, spring-like weather.
We climbed onto a concrete-based shore, to realise we’ve got no clothes on.
Seeing some beach towels on the grass, we asked the gypsies who were near them if we could take them to which they laughed.
I think that I miraculously started wearing an army-green shirt which was long enough to cover my naughty bits, as I had no other clothes on.
Then, they introduced us to their family - they had 4 sons (all in range from 11 to 16 years of age) and each of them had a defect of some sort and accompanying name (such as Deafy, Dummy, and such)

* Unfortunately I had to leave for uni and stopped writing here, thus I forgot some details forth on *

Even though I recall having some adventures with the gypsy family, I can’t recall which.
The next thing I remember is that I was still wearing the said shirt, but I was in Rijeka. Some friends of mine and myself were trying to find some underwear so I wouldn’t have to worry about the length of the shirt any more. That was the tricky part since even in the city centre no stores selling clothes were about. We even went to “the forbidden shore” (where it was utterly dark and everything was in the greyish-green tones). We asked some youngsters if they know where do their parents buy them underwear (since it was obvious that only parents knew the secret place of underwear world).
Defeated since we couldn’t finish our quest, we went back home.
In a while, my Dad came back from work saying that he managed to find something, but that it might be inappropriate.
It was supposed to be 10-pack of undies, but when unpacked it turned into 10-pack of synthetic pants, which were just too big for me (in both length and circumference). I looked back at my father in confusion (with “Are you a complete idiot?” look) and he said “Well, I did think something is wrong with them… Well, feel free to take them back” after which I looked at him again thinking “Yes, I should walk around the city half-naked again… Sure, why not”.

Next thing I remember I was fully dressed (yay!) and on some party. Lots of kids (10-ish) were around the kitchen, and their parents were in the living room. I went to the kitchen to take some orange juice and said some joke mocking the Bosnians (*) to which all the kids giggled. When I entered the kitchen, a fat kid eating a cream-whipped ice-cream looked me with the saddest look saying “…but I am a Bosnian…”. To make him feel better, I claimed “Naah, you can’t be!” and went on taking my juice.
However, I couldn’t hold it in and I laughed quite loudly saying “Sorry kid, with that head of yours and such an accent, you’re a prime-time Bosnian”.
Then he, or some other kid, got angry and wanted to punch me. As he was taking his swing, I put my fist on the spot so he would hit it (which I planned to turn into one of those metal “handshakes”). But, as he hit my hand, he hurt himself by hitting my ring and started running to the living room crying and shouting for his mother.
I got pissed, took my jacked and said “fuck this, I’m leaving”. Some chick that was around looked at me as if she wanted me to stay, but my mind was made and I left.

Now I was at Henri’s place on a small move-in party. All of us there spent the whole day showing the city to Henri. As we came in, he introduced us to his wife (who was some redhead ) and I presented myself by both name and nickname, though saying “Dachaz… iliti Darko” with obvious use of Serbian slang between the two names. She looked at me strangely for that, and asked me if I also wasn’t from around to which I responded “no, I live just next door!”.
Then all of us started drinking, talking (in English) and at some point the wife-person started kinda hitting on some bloke who was there. Henri got pissed, walked out on the balcony and had brought their baby son in shouting “Remember THIS?”. As I was closest to the door, I took the little bugger and was amazed as he was the prettiest baby I had ever seen. I even claimed that out loud, and people started agreeing with me, one by one.
At the other end of the room Chandler and Monica, from Friends, were sitting. I fingerpointed at Chandler and said “you wanker, why are you afraid of making one yourself?”. Monica backed me up on this, of course.

Then I woke up.

* for the US people who know of Bosnia just as just another warzone - the joke, of course, wasn’t referring to the war but to the prejudiced ones how Bosnians are the dumbest nation with the biggest craniums.

I have honestly never seen a pic of Henri’s son, nor of the baby’s mother, but there’s just one thing I hope and that is that Henri doesn’t keep his kid on a balcony!

I came back ultra-tired yesterday and I fell asleep at 9.30PM.
I dreamt so much crap that I didn’t manage to remember almost any of it except for this one:
I was in a post-apocalyptic-type of future sending a disfigured and burnt zombie-like person through a time portal.
Now I was in the “present time” sitting with my wife in a hospital of some sort. I asked her if she was ok to which she nodded with a smile.
I looked aside and caught a glimpse of the zombie-woman who, actually, was my wife. I knew what went wrong and I knew what should I do to fix it.
The zombie woman was supposed just to be a blink in time, but she had apparently stayed in our time as my wife saw her too and said with shivering voice “that… that was me”.
The next thing I remember is the zombie-wife chasing the proper-wife telling her that she shouldn’t marry me and some other stuff.

Top of the notch, as usual

In first dream I had a terrible nosebleed. To top it, I had that cosmetic ani-zit thing on my nose and it was getting dryer and stiffer. I couldn’t breathe but through the mouth, and that was tough call since I was talking.
Once I took the thing off my nose, there was blood everywhere and my hand got rather bloody. Trying to turn on the light in the bathroom I smeared blood over the wall and it had nice red hand-prints.

Second one is blurry, but involved riding bikes (Pony bikes, to be precise).
I was driving with someone through “forbidden zone” (cut through fence and driven on the clear road). What did we do over there, I have no clue, but when we were coming back the same way we were kinda frightened if someone would catch us. Then we saw some other people riding their pony bikes in the same area and we felt just fine.
We got to the only building in the area which was a ground-level building (with no additional floors) and had a kiosk and a bar/fast food of some sort. The two of us weren’t that hungry but we knew that we must eat something before we go over the border, so I decided to check what’s available in the bar. I climbed some stairs (as the bar had high ceiling and thus had some stairs around) to see what’s on the menu, but was disappointed and decided to go for the kiosk.
The woman working at the kiosk was lazy to help and said if I wanted anything that I should come inside and get it myself. So I did.
The inside of the kiosk was unusually large for a kiosk - it was the expected width and height, but its depth/length was about 5 times the ordinary. Also, all the insides were wooden with badly connected planks. Another fun thing is that there was no proper door, but that one would have to open (in a door manner) the front side of the kiosk to get in.
The stuff I was looking for was on the inner side of the door, so I crouched to get the yoghurt which was hanging on some barb-wire. I had risen quite fast and surprised a gal that was waiting to pay for some newspaper she took. I smiled at her with the craziest smile and continued looking for stuff of my interested.
That’s about where that part ended.

In third one, I lived (or was on a holiday) in a small flat next to which was my mom and aunt’s flat (I think). I went over at their place to pick up some tech stuff and I noticed that it’s quite hot and steamy in there. I already had a suspicion of my own what could that be, but ignored it for a moment.
Minutes later, mom (or aunt) asked me if I knew what was going on as it was getting rather steamy thus I went to my flat and checked if my guessing was right. It was - the steam was coming through the bars on the floor and I knew that it was Robot Devil’s deed.
Came back to the other flat, told what is on and, of course, got the strangest looks.
So, I went to some supermarket thing of sort where I wanted to check about Robot Devil on the internet. I asked a guy next to a bunch of stacked retro-style 10-inch monitors that I needed to surf internet, when he said that it’s Power Sales National Holiday and that he’s obliged to play the “cheerful tune”. He instantly took some crappy radio out, pressed the button, started dancing and singing to the tune while I imitated him for a few moments and then got boring of it.
When he was finished, I told him that I want to surf the internet about the Robot Devil to which he replied “that requires the connection ‘from below’” and went to get that. Meanwhile, I was left in front of the crappy terminals, and started typing something. Someone shouted that I should type “Hail (something)” and I went on typing it in the “HAAAAAAIIIIIL (something)” manner. The moment I typed the “HAAAAAAIIIL” I realised there’s a “HAIL” button on the keyboard and I blushed to my n00bness. When I was near completion of the writing, the salesman started to pull me away from the keyboard for some reason, when I got pissed off and said that I shall go to the Robot Devil this instant, unprepared - thanks to him. I took a spear, went to the middle of the room where Robot Devil’s mangler/elevator was which, luckily, didn’t work. Pointed the spear down and jumped inside.
Down it was all white and pimped, Robot Devil welcomed me to his fine arts gallery. I got pissed and divine and said that I’ve had enough of it, and I started running ’round the outer ring of the “gallery” leaving everyone inside that ring. Of course, I ran faster and faster until I was just a smear of fire spreading around. First it was fire, but the moment Robot Devil tried to stop me water came through. I cited the bible on the great flood (possibly badly) and from the ring of fire the great flood came killing everyone who was there.
When finished, all was black as burnt and beside me was a small angel-rabbit-like-creature that was the remains of Robot Devil.
I stated that the leftovers of good in his heart enabled him to survive the anger of god (and by god, I meant me).
But, instead saving him and taking him to the lands above, I just threw him back where newly arrived evil robots cooked him and ate him.

Part four was directly linked to this one thus I’m starting to believe it was the same dream.
I threw the said bloke over my shoulder as I walked towards the exit. Some little girl was walking beside me. When we got out we were in the middle ages, on some rock-based fortress. Walking through the many people gathered some blond girl started pointing at the girl walking next to me and shouting “Witch, witch!”. I asked the simple men around me where do they burn the witches and one of them pointed below the bridge we were on. As he pointed I pushed the blond one down saying something like “who’s the real witch now?”.
People who were with me asked me whither I have overreacted but I convinced me that the reaction was proper.
Then there was something about that kid walking beside me missing, and that she had an evil brother/sister who never wanted her to come back and hoped for it, while I was trying to prove him/her wrong.
After that I was sitting in my class and thinking something related to arm-wrestling with a mate (who was boring everyone to arm-wrestle with him yesterday).